My flight (s) from hell to UK and back
The flight from cologne was doomed from the beginning, waiting in the lounge a group of Man Utd supporters arrived drunk as skunks,
and totally turned a quiet area into a frenzy, followed shortly by a group of Liverpool supporters, and that is not a good mix by any stretch of the imagination.
You could feel the tension in the air and so could the German admin who were about to let us onto the flight, passports were being checked and we were being told to board the aircraft.
The police arrived and herded the lads away to "talk" to them...so the rest of us boarded the craft minus said lads. 30 mins later and a very fed up and frustrated 120 passengers were treated to the arrival of said lads with a police escort onto the plane. The passengers at the back of the aircraft were asked to moved forward so the said lads could all be together at the rear of plane. That took another 20mins, so by now we are 40mins late leaving and had lost our slot.
The police told the stewards not to serve alcohol to the lads who by now were chanting songs to each other "you'll never walk alone" and "glory glory man utd" tensions were rising high again, so no alcohol and all passports were handed to the captain with instructions
of "if it kicks off, return to Cologne" yeh right i thought, not on your life.
So, we take off and bobble about the clouds for 10mins thru turbulance listening to the harmonious song chants and projectile vomit sounds!!!
This was going to a difficult and scary flight and i was praying no fights were going to break out as this is how man Utd and Liverpool fans normally greet each other with a head butt.
Mind you at one point i nearly joined in the singing being a true Utd supporter since birth, but refrained myself and buried my head in my new Kindle, devouring every word Stephen Fry had written.
Bottles of water were sold and voices were heard moaning..4euros for water, could of had 2 vodkas....well that caused havoc plus the instant workings of the bladder, so a long queue formed for the 2 toilets, which wasnt a good idea with 24 drunk football supporters all wanting a pee at the same time.
At one point i upped my gaze from my kindle and looked to my right to have my nose virtually into the groin of a drunken scouser holding his private parts for fear of peeing himself....not a nice site trust me.
The lads slowly started to nap, thank god, and the queue was getting less and less by the minute, the captain then came on and announced 'we are desending for Manchester and everyone please take your seats" which woke the napping lads up, who then all wanted the loo again, they were told to "SIT", one guy stood up
and proclaimed....i will p*** in the aisle then......the stewardess ran down to the captain who came back on and said..those that need the toilets have 3 mins to do so and then we descend further. The rush to the toilets i swear tipped the plane forward, but that could just of been me, as by this time i had lost the will to live.
3 minutes seems a long time when you want to land and get to see your Mum, but no, 3 mins turned into 5 and the captain again said, please all sit and then added " and believe me i have enough fuel to return to Cologne"...!!!!! the aircraft erupted with us passengers saying no no no, and one guy was brave enough to stand and tell the lads to sit down shut up and behave.
Why he never did that from the beginning i dont know but it did the trick. So we bobble down thru the clouds again, thru lightening too, i by now was convinced i was going to meet my maker but even sadder as to not finish Stephen Fry. Should i get my mobile out and text Mike, sending him kisses. Dont be stupid all will be ok. Still bobbling about and descending, what seemed more rapid than ive ever experienced, the vomiting from the rear of the plane started again.
Please just let me off, please.
We land and i think the pilot just dumped the aircraft so we could be removed ASAP. The captain tells us the lads will be let off first, the man that told them to shut up wasnt having any of it and told the stewards WE were being let off first and he beckoned us all to follow, which we did. Yay, i am free....so with only hand luggage went to meet my cousin who was picking me up, she was visiting her Mum,my Mums sister, and was over form Aussie, where shes lived for 10years.
So i should of landed at 8.20pm and we landed at 9.30pm, so jackie and i head off to my Mums, we were both born and brought up in Manchester and would you believe it...we got lost...lol....we ended up at Mums, at 10pm, 5 mins away from the airport.
Return flight....aircraft arrived 1hr late due to having to change a wheel at Cologne, were about to board then told to stop as the onboard computer had developed a fault in mid flight....20mins later told to board....so here is me, Kindle at the ready, Stephen Fry here i come, when the captain asks for our attention. He informs us the onboard computer at this moment doesnt know if we are on the ground or airborn!!!!!!and a tech is being sent for, by this time Mike is on his way to Cologne with no clue what is happening. The tech arrives and spends 20mins testing the on board computer, lights flash, heating on, heating off, aircon on, air con off, wing flaps up, wing flaps down. Captain says, we are ready for take off as all is now well, a young man puts his hand up and asks the steward, what if, mid flight, the onboard computer cant remember if we are mid-air or on the ground......OMG!!!!.
..head in Kindle, think i will just send Mike a kiss.....
Arrived home 2.5 hrs late...........and worth every minute to feel terra firma.